heteropessimism

This is an overriding sense of disappointment with the straight world of heterosexuality which has been described as a prison with no way out and contrasted with the apparent liberation and adventurousness of the LGBTIQ+ world.  It is often expressed as supposed humour in expressions such as (among men) ‘meet the ball and chain’  or ‘meet my current wife’ and (among women) ‘He’s just one of the children’.  But the humour is a response that stifles any attempt at change. The pessimism is regarded as a fact of a life which cannot be changed. Often the individuals see the problem as lying in themselves or their partners rather than in the social structures that surround heterosexuality. They look at their heterosexual relationship with embarrassment, ambivalence and detachment but with no sense that they might work any changes in it. At worst individuals retreat to misogyny and misandry.

The term heteropessimism was coined in 2019 by American sociologist in gender studies Asa Seresin. She has moved on from that to heterofatalism to capture the idea that the condition of heterosexuality is not one that is chosen, but nor does it appear that it can be escaped. All that is available is the retreat to detachment through humour.